The Chocolate Incident of 1999
by disillusionist9
Summary: Draco lost spectacularly in a dare against Blaise, and now his anatomy is paying the price. EWE, a little PWP, Drarry with sides of Ginsy, in an eighth year setting.


"Are we certain this is safe? I mean, I am going to be sticking my…you know what in there."

"Draco, stop being so squeemish."

Draco threw his hands out, shaking them back and forth a bit, his mouth opening and closing like a grouper fish. The little contraption, made of plastic if Blaise was to be trusted…it sat there so unassumingly. As if it wasn't made with the specific purpose of _making a chocolate mold of your_ -

"Don't you want this to be a memorable Valentine's, Draco?"

Draco decided then and there making Blaise's smirking illegal would be his first act as Minister, if his supposed "best friend" even lived past today.

* * *

"I couldn't get close to Madame Puddifoot's yesterday," whined a fourth year meandering past Ginny's hidden alcove. Her blonde ponytail swung back and forth as she turned to her friend. "It was full of _boys_ but they weren't even looking at any of us!"

An inelegant snort burst from Ginny, and she turned back to her book. Resettling into her seat, her leg brushed against Pansy's, the denim of her jeans rubbing coarsely against the fabric of the Slytherin's knee-high stockings.

"Did you read the catalog pages on the windows of Puddifoot's when we were in Hogsmeade, Gin?" Pansy asked, flipping the page of her magazine.

Ginny settled more steadily against her alcove partner, their legs intertwined as they faced each other and read. "Of course, anyone with eyes could see why all those men…boys were in there."

Biting her lower lip to stifle a chuckle, Pansy casually rested her hand against Ginny's knee, and offered her a single chocolate rose. Light pink sugar crystals, strawberry flavored, dusted over the petals as it bloomed for the redhead. Ginny made sure to leave enough of the sugar on her lips so Pansy could taste it afterwards.

* * *

Harry scratched the back of his neck a few times before turning to see what was irritating him. Crookshanks flicked his tail again just as Harry moved, and he received a face full of ginger fur for his trouble.

"Shove off, Crooks," muttered Ron. His movements were gentle as he removed the cat from the back of the couch, earning a scratch on his arm for his trouble. "Ruddy beast!"

Hermione tapped her wand absently against his arm to heal the small cut, not turning away from her studies. Her hand reached over to grab another little chocolate square filled with dried fruits and nuts, owled in by her parents, who'd decided to stay in Australia.

"Thanks, Hermione. Harry, you've got to come up to see what someone sent me."

"Just bring it down here," Hermione said, muffled behind her book.

Harry watched as Ron's ears went from pink to red in record time. Though he wanted to poke at his friend a bit, Ron's expression of desperation softened him, and the two half-jogged up the staircase to the boy's dorms.

"Did you need help eating your sweets, then? Is Padma overloading you with treats again?"

Ron spluttered, gesturing wildly at one box in the pile that dwarfed the others significantly. The pink bow on top was tied just so above a white and silver striped gift basket, bursts of frothy white tissue paper spilling over the edges. "What the bloody hell would she send me this for, then?"

"It can't be that bad-OH MY GOD! What the fuck are _those_? There was no name?"

Shaking his head mutely, Ron pointed to the gift card tossed to the floor, the kind that sang when it was opened, which Harry found out much too late…

* * *

Theo bent double laughing when he joined Blaise and Draco in the dorm, post-procedure.

"You did buy a separate one for each of you, of course?"

There were Gryffindors who would be envious of the shade of red Draco's cheeks turned, and sopranos that would give their left eye for the pitch he reached with ease. "Yes!"

Pointing at the two cooling confections, placed unceremoniously on the top of one of the dressers in the room, Theo wiped a tear from his eye. "Oh this is priceless. Blaise, you cashed in your dare magnificently."

Eyebrows wiggling with zeal, Blaise rubbed his hands together. "Worth the long lines at Puddifoot's, Weasley's shop was back ordered for _weeks._ I even was able to make a cherry filled …Draco, my dear, you've got to _gift it_ to someone."

"Absolutely n-"

"I knew you'd be a chum!" Blaise charmed the candy to follow his friend as he shoved him out of the room with obvious relish. The magical thrust sent the Slytherin, resisting every inch of the way, out their dorm and out of the common room.

Theo turned to Blaise as their third friend disappeared for no doubt the most embarrassing encounter of his life…and that included that one time Voldemort hugged him in front of the entire castle.

"Is he going to who I think?"

Blaise was having a hard time breathing as he replied, "Yes, yes of course! Little compulsion never hurt anyone."

The smirk on Theo's face darkened further into a hint of sadistic glee.

"Are we certain Potter's favorite chocolate is white?"

* * *

"It's funny, Ron!"

"No it bloody well isn't, I grew up in a house with only one bathroom. I've seen those… _things_ enough…too much!"

Hermione huffed in annoyance, keeping pace with Harry as he followed Ron to the Owlery, a Howler prepared in his freckled fingertips.

"They're penises, Ronald!"

"I KNOW WHAT THEY RUDDY WELL ARE!"

"The card was pretty bad, Hermione," Harry said, trying to keep a straight face in solidarity for his best friend.

"They're getting back at you for the Christmas prank," Hermione said, trying to get it through the boy's thick skulls to stop the war before it began. "You did tell them, and I quote, to _eat a bag of dicks_."

"Fred and George sent me a literal bag of their dicks. In various chocolate flavors!"

Harry barked in laughter, stopping to hold himself up against the wall, unable to hold it in any longer. "Oh god, how do you know they're different flavors?"

Ron was unable to turn any deeper crimson than he already was, but he did shake his fist angrily in Harry's direction as the other man wiped the tears from behind his glasses. "The song in the card, Harry! _A treat today, a treat tonight, a flavor for every type_!"

Hermione threw her hands in the air and screamed unintelligibly, her cheeks pink from trying so hard not to laugh in front of Ron. She turned to return to the common room and collided spectacularly with Draco.

Even with his heels digging into the stone and carpet, and scrabbling against walls with manicured nails, Draco made it to the hallway below the Owlery in no time. Blaise put a bit more force than he'd let on into the compulsion spell.

"Malfoy," Hermione exclaimed, standing straight after her brief run in with the tapestry behind her. Harry tried to help her balance but she brushed him off gently, already upright before he'd gotten to her.

Draco glared at her as if she'd called him the wrong side of a hippogryff instead of his own surname. "Granger. Potty. Weasel."

Harry crossed his arms in front of Ron, before the redhead lost control completely, the red letter still crushed in one hand and addressed to the shop in Diagon Alley.

"You're looking rather unkempt today, Malfoy," Harry said, tapping his foot in annoyance. "Fallen off your broom?"

"I seem to recall it was _you_ who was the foremost expert on the art, _Potter_."

"I've seen the way you fly during practice: dive-bombing, distracted, against the headwind."

"We'll see whose technique works better during the next game, won't we?"

Harry shook his head, failing to take notice of the way Draco's hands shook behind his back. "Can't recall a single time you've bested me on the pitch, Malfoy."

Hermione covered her mouth as she saw what Draco was attempting to hide, but was too slow to say anything before his struggling arm moved around his body to present the white chocolate shaped-

"Ron, let's take that Howler now, shall we?" She gave him no choice as the dumbfounded Weasley trailed behind her, pulled by his collar.

Harry's mouth remained in the shape of his next insult, eyes crossing as he stared at the white chocolate penis presented to him. A creeping blush started below his collar and made it to his ears before he cleared his throat.

"I've heard it's your favorite." Each word ground out between Draco's teeth was guttural and pained.

Choked, still unable to make coherent sounds, Harry nodded dumbly. Heat pooled over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He swallowed thickly and looked up through his lashes at Draco. Feeling bold, but still glancing down the corridor for any passerby, Harry grasped the chocolate from Draco's hand, careful to linger his fingertips over the blond's.

Draco was shaking, obviously afraid anyone had noticed him careening through the castle with a mold of his own penis made of melt resistant chocolate. Harry moved his hand up Draco's arm, a familiar swath of skin beneath the pads of his fingers, and slowly licked the end of the candy.

Eyes bulging, Draco held his breath as he watched first the tip, then the shaft disappeared behind Harry's lips, and tried not to groan with the memory of the night before recreated so beautifully before him.

With a pop, Harry brought his mouth away from the chocolate, licking his lips where the white frosting lingered, slowly picking up each taste, keeping eye contact with Draco the entire time.

"White chocolate is definitely my favorite."

* * *

 _Written for World Chocolate Day, July 7th, 2016, on tumblr. This was prompted through a long-winded and glorious conversation with many of my favorite witches._


End file.
